What Is Love?
by Jillcb
Summary: Merlin wasn't really sure what love was, or how it felt. But from the moment he met the young Druid girl Freya, he felt different. This is the story of how a boy learnt to love a girl, and how just as fast he lost her again.


He got up and skipped about, suddenly he felt like ten years old again. The moment he got up he had a smile on his face, how is it possible to suddenly feel so insanely happy, he wondered to himself. He had known the Druid girl for just three days, and he found himself counting the clock down, to when he could see her again. He could barely sleep with excitement, when he remembered their first kiss. So light on the lips, so gentle, so perfect.

He marvelled at how doing something so simple made you feel on top of the world. It hardly made any sense, his powers were so much part of himself, that they felt totally natural. But this, this thing he was suddenly feeling, made no sense at all. Was it love he thought? What was love anyway? Could you put your hand on it? Touch it? Was this why he felt as if his heart was beating out of his chest. He laughed to himself, trying to make sense of it all.

He had promised Freya he would look after her, and he was determined to keep his promise. He had no idea how he would get her away from Camelot, he briefly thought about Arthur. Would the Prince really miss him? For all that he had done in Camelot, he felt sometimes as if his own destiny was working against him constantly. He doubted he would ever be able to reveal who he was, no matter how hard he tried.

Destiny, a cold shadow suddenly settled over Merlin as he considered Kilgharrah's words to him, "no one can escape their own destiny Merlin." The dragon had said, when Merlin had been sacked by Arthur. He then thought of Freya, a girl forced to be caged up and sold for profit to the very kingdom he was serving and protecting. How can that be right? Not for the first time, the young warlock felt as if he was being pulled in so many different directions. Would it really be so wrong of him to choose a little happiness for himself by leaving?

He ambled through his chores for the day, Arthur as ever had managed to find a number of new ones, he rolled his eyes, would his day ever be over? He thought of Freya and smiled, soon they would be gone and far away, to start a new life together. Just two ordinary young people with no destinys to worry about, out to find their place in the world. He thanked the gods for that miserable night that he and Gaius had been out in, to visit Gaius's sick patient. If they hadn't of gone, he and Freya would never off met, he thought, was that fate too he wondered?

The night came and at long last he could see her again. It was always the same, he'd come in, she would look up at him and smile. He would give her the food, put some more candles in the ground, and they would talk about the future, their future holding hands in the candle light, cross legged. He knew he would never tire of watching her, face light up when he performed his magic tricks just for her. Or when a simple comment from him would transform her face, from fear to happiness. Or when she would reach over and touch his hand, and they would just stare at each other, like there was nothing else in the world.

Merlin remembered a poem he had read in his village school when he was a boy. It spoke of how love was the only thing that could conquer life itself, he accepted now that love was what it was, there could no other explanation. As he sat and held her hand that night, he was only thankful that for just one evening he had experienced love, as he knew some people never would. It was something that he remembered a week later, when he lay in bed, thinking of his dead love. Just one week and he already felt as if it was a life time. Here he was still left in Camelot, still forced to hide away from this friends and now he didn't even have his Freya to help share the load. He sighed suddenly knowing the path he now had to tread would be a long and lonely one. Outside the rain ran down the windows, but to Merlin it might as well of been his tears.


End file.
